Bye Bye Calatrava

It’s two in the morning. Ok I am ready to sleep. I turn off the light but I cannot sleep. I keep thinking. I am in Milan. As I was two years ago. But the guy who is lying in the bed is not the same. He has changed. He has changed a lot. Not in his essence, but in the way he thinks, in the way he see life and the world. In his habits. In his friends. And my memories go through the last two years. I think about the moment I went out of the parking of Calatrava for the last time. I turned left. I miss Calatrava now. I have the clear picture of how via Augusta looked like in that moment. I should have turned right, have a trip in the city. Once more. The streets I’ve been through many times. I should have gone to the gym on Sunday. Would have been the last time. Because the last time I’ve been through those streets and to the gym and to the beach and to anywhere else, I didn’t do that with the consciousness that were the last one. Oh my god. I need to go back there, I need it. I feel something in my stomach. I want to be there. And my memory now goes back a little bit more. I went into the elevator. I pushed -3 to go to the parking. I am just one floor down and I hear Noelle calling me because I left something. I reach -3 but I push again 7 to see what I left. By the time the door opens, we are both crying. I big hug, and we both cry on each other’s shoulder. And I am crying now. Drops on my keyboard. And back again. Marco leaving the flat. Big hug, then he turns the corner of the living room. I hear “giorgiooooo” and he comes back. Another hug. It’s tough to say goodbye. It’s tough to realize that the people you’ve been living with for 2 years are going to be far from you. Not to far maybe, but won’t ever be the same. And now flows of random memories. Where is Marco saying “chicos… Photo!” when we take the elevator to go out. Where is Noelle saying “I’m fucked up for this… let’s put some music!”. Where is Huy, the most disorganized organized Vietnamese German on earth. I need him. I need Rafa drunk at our place even the day before the marketing exam. I need to hear that Matteo has just got another fine for being drunk on a moto. I need the daily habits of meeting people around, having people coming at home unexpectedly and to visit people just because I was passing by. This is all gone. I want to stay there. Ok we need to work. But I want to stay in Barcelona, with all my friends working in the same town. I want to stay in my flat, with my friends at few blocks from me. I want to wake up on Sunday morning and have pictures of the weekend to look at. I don’t want a time machine and relive these two years. I just want to continue but with everybody in the same place. And this is not possible. Everything is gone. Maybe the only thing left is Matteo drunk on a moto. I really hope he buys one here in Milan.

Dedicated to my extended calatrava family: You know I can't smile without you I can't smile without you I can't laugh and I can't sing I'm finding it hard to do anything You see I feel sad when you're sad I feel glad when you're glad If you only knew what I'm going through I just can't smile without you